


One Day Sam

by orphan_account



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst, Implied/Referenced Domestic Violence, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-06-12
Updated: 2016-06-12
Packaged: 2018-07-14 16:26:20
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,370
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7180232
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Back from the cage, without anyone possessed or dead, Sam retreats from the other two and tries to process what happened when he gets another slap in the face that he won’t be able to take easily.</p>
            </blockquote>





	One Day Sam

**Author's Note:**

> This will be continued one day, but for now it stands as is. No, Lucifer did not possess Castiel in this.

He thought he was different. Even after all that happened, after everything Lucifer did, he _still_ thought he was different. But he wasn’t different at all, Sam knew that now. He had a few years of thinking after all, years where bad things happened and he somehow wished himself back into the apocalypse, where everything was bad, but not quite as bad. The trials, the falling angels, the possession by Gadreel, that Dean became a demon… all these things showed him one thing: The devil had not been so bad after all.

And then… he suddenly _was_.

When Sam was back in the bunker, wiping the blood off his face and taking care of the damage Lucifer did, he felt even worse than ever before. He said no, he knew that. But he _never_ thought that the other would suddenly turn into a raging monster, beating their asses up in the most effective way possible.

For the rest of the day Sam was silent, thinking. Dean was busy patching Castiel up, who got it even worse than Sam once Lucifer took care of them, but Sam couldn’t have cared less. He was drowning in his own problems, in his own doubts and worries. Silently he sneaked into the library, a bottle of bourbon with him, and sat down.

Should he have said yes? He had thought about it, not only when he was with Lucifer in the cage, but also before that. And now. But he couldn’t give in, not like this. Yes, they needed help defeating Amara, but giving up on himself once again? Letting the devil loose on the world again? He knew that Lucifer was desperate enough to not let him stay, but push him out completely. If he said yes Lucifer would gank Amara and then, what? Yes, he would probably start another apocalypse, simply for the fun of it. He didn’t suddenly fell in love with humanity. Sam was sure he still wanted to end them all completely.

“Thank god he’s still down there.” Sam sighed when he poured himself a glass of alcohol, a little relieved that they all made it out of there without getting killed. He was just about to take the glass when he saw another hand wrapping around it. The shock and surprise were so extreme that Sam jumped up, tangled his legs in the chair and fell back with it. He hit his head hard on the ground, tears of pain filling his eyes when he looked up, then they widened in horror and panic.

“Lucifer!” he hissed, but the one holding the glass just laughed and poured the liquid down. He threw the glass behind him where it shattered on the ground, before kneeling down next to Sam, smiling.

“Did you _really_ think I wouldn’t get out if you said no?”

Sam managed to free himself from the chair and crawled backwards until he hit one of the bookshelves, stopping him instantly. He still stared at the other one in shock, unable to understand how he was able to get there without anyone giving him a ride out.

“Oh, come on Sam. Not happy to see me?”

“Not really.” Sam scoffed, dragging himself into a standing position of sorts. “How did you get out?”

“Please.” Lucifer waved Sam’s words off, standing up too. He walked over to the table, snipping his fingers to make two new glasses appear, and filled them with bourbon, all while smiling. “You think you’re so special, don’t you? You think saying no to me means I will rot down there forever?”

“That’s what you always implied at least.” Sam said, frowning.

Lucifer turned around, leaning against the table. The look he gave Sam spoke of pain, a lot of pain.

“You _are_ my true vessel, Sam. You will always be. Your whole life you were prepared, guided, _shaped_ to be mine.” He paused, sipping from his drink as he eyes Sam closely. “Can you blame me for being angry that you basically spit into my face?”

“Hell yes, I can!” Sam growled, eyes narrowing. “You beat the shit out of me!”

Lucifer tilted his head, chuckling. “Hello? Devil! Forgot that already?”

Sam was so surprised by Lucifer’s words that he couldn’t answer for a moment. He just stared at him, unable to even do so much as blink.

“Look, Sam. I told you this over and over again. I’m not the good guy, okay? I know that. I don’t like it, but I accepted it.” Lucifer said, his gaze shifting from Sam to the rest of the room. “You loathe me with every cell of your existence, I can basically feel the vibrations of your hate and disgust towards me. And it’s okay, I know that you feel this way, I always did. But this is more than just you hating me or me trying to make you say yes and you know it.”

“Do you mean the Darkness?” Sam mumbled, a little embarrassed by what Lucifer just said. “We can find another way, there has to be one.”

“So what? You kill her, imprison her again, then what? Will you feel better then?”

“Of course! I released her, it’s my fault that she’s free! How could I not feel better when she’s gone?” Sam had no idea what Lucifer was trying to say, it just made no sense.

Lucifer put the glass down, sighing. “Maybe you are.” He said and turned around. He looked disappointed, his lips nothing more than a thin line. “But maybe you are not. Maybe you will defeat her and then ask yourself what next.”

“We will do our job, that’s what’s next.” Sam said confidently, or at least he pretended to be.

“One day you will look into the mirror, Sam, and ask yourself ‘ _What if…_ ’”. Lucifer didn’t look at him anymore, instead he found a sudden interest in his hand. “One day you will ask yourself if you are who you want to be, _how_ you want to be. And you will see that there is always something _wrong_ in your life.”

“Yes, what’s wrong in my life is _you_!” Sam scoffed. Lucifer didn’t get angry, he simply took a deep breath.

“No, Sam. What’s wrong is that you will always ask yourself if your life would have been _different_ with me. If it would have been _better_ even.”

Lucifer turned around, emptying the glass he drank from before. He didn’t look back at Sam this time and somehow the hunter wished he would, because his words scared him to the core of his existence.

“I told you I wanted to give you everything once, Sam. That was true. I wanted to give you the world, but it was meant to fail. I once begged my brother to stand with me and he turned me down. I once asked you to stay with me, not so long ago, and you turned me down too.”

Now he did turn around and Sam stepped back as far as the little space allowed, regretting his wish for this to happen. There was nothing in the devils eyes, absolutely nothing. The blue in them was dull, as if all the life was drained from them.

“I did terrible things, yes. I can’t take them back anymore. I never asked to become what I am, all I wanted was my family and keep the love I had for them. But it’s gone. There is nothing left, not even a hint of what was once there when I fell. Yes, I am the bad guy here. And sometimes the good guys, like you, turn out to need the bad guys much more than they want to admit.”

With these words Lucifer was gone, leaving Sam alone in the suddenly cold library. The hunter slid down at the shelf behind him, still staring at the spot Lucifer stood just moments before. His words were still hanging in the air, taunting Sam, stinging into him.

He didn’t want them to be true, all he wanted was to forget he ever met Lucifer. And yet he felt, deep inside, that something had changed when he said no. Not only for Lucifer, but also for _himself_.


End file.
